Mother Shoots Special Needs Kid, Then Kills Self

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/md-mom-who-killed-son-herself-agonized-over-education-costs-for-special-needs-child-debt/2011/08/08/gIQAdbTh2I_story.html?wpisrc=nl_headlines
By Associated Press, Published: August 8

[excerpted]

WASHINGTON — "Ben Barnhard finally had reason to be optimistic this summer: The 13-year-old shed more than 100 pounds at a rigorous weight-loss academy, a proud achievement for a boy who had endured classmates’ taunts about his obesity and who had sought solace in the quiet of his bedroom, with his pet black cat and the intricate origami designs he created.

But one month before school was to start for the special-needs teen, his mother, psychiatrist Margaret Jensvold, shot him in the head, then killed herself. Officers found their bodies on Aug. 2 in the bedrooms of their home in Kensington, Md., an upper-middle class Washington suburb. They also found a note.

"School — can’t deal with school system,” the letter began, Jensvold’s sister, Susan Slaughter, told The Associated Press.

And later: “Debt is bleeding me. Strangled by debt.”

Although family members said they were stunned by the killings, they also said Jensvold had become increasingly strained by financial pressure and by anguished fights with the county public school system over the special-needs education of her son, who had an autism spectrum disorder.

They said the school district — apparently believing it could adequately educate Ben — had refused to cover tuition costs for the boy to attend a private school for special-needs students. Jensvold didn’t have the money herself and didn’t want to return her son to public school, where relatives said she felt harshly judged and marginalized and where Ben had struggled...."

MAJIA HERE: This is a heartbreaking story with a truly tragic conclusion.

Parents of children with disabilities suffer emotionally, economically, and socially.

Parents suffer emotionally because they want the best for their children and children with autism and even ADHD often find school incredibly stressful because of the structural demands and their social isolation.

Special needs kids are often marginalized because they behave or look "different" enough that they can be marked as such.

Although taunting can occur, social isolation can be just as stressful and painful for special needs kids (and for all kids actually)

Parents suffer vicariously their children's stress and pain.

School officials can be wonderful and accommodating (I've been very lucky in these regards), but they can also be unhelpful, either because they lack adequate resources or because they simply do not understand how difficult and stressful school can be for special needs kids and are overwhelmed with competing demands.

And the last thing school officials want to do is spend more money because they face strapped budgets and lack adequate compensation for special needs kids from promised federal dollars.

Even aides are costly and school districts may literally lack enough funds for adequate aides for kids who need them.

Parents can feel frustrated and want alternative accommodations for their kids but lack the financial resources to pay for private education. Single parents are particularly compromised financially because their work days are long and they may also have to pay for after-school care, leaving them strapped financially and emotionally and physically exhausted.

Parents and special needs kids alike often suffer socially. Special needs kids may behave in ways that make others uncomfortable. Outings can be more difficult, especially when kids are young or require considerable accommodations.

The woman in this story appears to have suffered on every level I've described.

This does not of course excuse her desperate murder and suicide. These things are not excusable.

But it does raise the question as to how we as a society are treating are most vulnerable members?

State and local financial constraints have led to massive cuts in social spending for people with disabilities, for the aged, and for the poor.

The federal government failed to adequately compensate states and local governments for the steep drop-off in tax revenues even though it is widely acknowledged that the need for social services goes up considerably during recessions.

The stimulus’ $194 billion allocation compares unfavorably with the $3.25 trillion in bailout funds directed at banks and insurance companies (“Cash Machine,” 2009).

This distribution of national resources demonstrates our elites' priorities, not our populations' priorities.

The murder/suicide depicted in this article was probably preventable. Were we a society that lived our family values we would not have desperate parents and dead children.

“Cash-Machine.” (2009, May). The Atlantic, 303(4), 58-59.