Friday, January 15, 2016

Nightmares




Nightmares
The last two nights I’ve had nightmares. Really scary nightmares. I’m not sure why

The night before last I dreamed of a dangerous and very large snake that had escaped confinement. I don’t ordinarily fear snakes (although greatly respecting them) but this snake was super aggressive and homicidal.

Last night’s dreamed was more nuanced but also far more troubling:

I was visiting a friend at his house where we discovered that one of his relatives had murdered and dismembered people, refugees, who were staying in their yard for some reason. In my dream, I didn’t actually see these crimes but only evidence of them (blood). I didn’t flee immediately because the crimes were emotionally remote since they were not visible, but instead waited for my friend in his living room.
In the living room where I waited people, refugees, were sleeping on the floor, including children. I wondered why they were there and whether they were safe. As I sat in the room, I too became very sleepy. I was drowsily watching the news reporter on the television cover the very murders my friend’s relative had performed. I tried to stay awake, but I could barely hear the newscaster because I was being drowned by sleep.
My friend’s relative was absent from the dream. He had wrought death and destruction before disappearing. He might return, but in my dream I initially felt immune from his madness. I wasn’t so sure about the others on the floor, but felt helpless given their sound slumber. Then I too succumbed to the fatigue, unable to resist. In my dream I felt immune but then discovered that I was not when the sleep dragged me down.

I wrenched myself awake and could not return to sleep.

I tried to make sense of the dream by relating it to my waking experiences and emotions.

I feel like I’m living in a madhouse: Accelerating ecological collapse engineered by human greed is the house’s foundation but rising war atrocities in the Middle East also disturb me greatly. Signs of economic collapse portend more conflict and refugees.

Perhaps the foundation of death and despair is the accelerating mass mortality events of North American sea lions and murres, among many other animals. These reports weigh on my heart but I don’t see them and they are distanced from my day-to-day life.

Most recently, I have been sickened by the starvation of Syrians covered over the last few days in the western press because of great powers’ meddling in the Middle East. I’ve met people from Syria and their standard of living used to be good until the US embarked upon its regime change plans and exacerbated and/or caused chaos throughout the region. Were the starving Syrians the murdered refugees in my dream, who were killed by my friend’s relative?

Who were the sleeping refugees? In the dream I thought they were different from me (because they were refugees and I was not), but then I discovered that I too could succumb and become equally vulnerable.

What was the significance of the newscaster? The news told me of the crimes and I could see the evidence of blood (although no bodies). I could sense danger, but I couldn’t stay awake to flee when I discovered my vulnerability.

I couldn’t flee until it was too late despite knowledge of the crimes. I thought I was special because of my status (citizen/professor) but then I realized was not. I was equally vulnerable. 


11 comments:

  1. impressions of life experience - perhaps a good time to take some sort of break from monitoring Fukushima...

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  2. Of course, Fuku is just the tip of the iceberg when one considers all the other major environmental assaults, ranging from the St Louis radioactive dump, Porter Ranch in CA, etc. No escape!

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  3. Majia, I recommend some immediate nature hikes and then plan a 3 day camp hike to clear your mind.

    stock out

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    1. I do hike 3-5 times a week! I think the recent stress comes from a sick friend, one of many who has developed inexplicable but debilitating symptoms or cancer despite their young ages (20-40s).

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    2. Wow, 3 to 5 times! I am jealous.

      I will be cross country skiing, mushing my dogs, once this cold spell breaks a bit.

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  4. I wonder why colitis and ibd are growing in the us so rapidly majia. Now at 15 percent of the population.

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    1. www.ccfa.org › pdfs › updatedibdfactbook

      ibd colitis.

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    2. These are the symptoms my sick friend is experiencing and I've known other people to develop these symptoms out of the blue, especially in the spring of 2012.

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  5. Sometimes small acts of kindness and volunteering to help the sick and less fortunate can help renew the spirit and help keep some of the anger and fear of the chaos in a better perspective.

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    1. I try and do that everyday with my students... and it does help. But I can see that they are suffering also because they work as much as they can in low wage jobs to support themselves in college. They are stressed. I try to always be up for them. One of them calls me "doom with a smile."

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    2. You are a good person Majia. I go help at a food pantry and other things. You also help here. A nurse practitioner asked me why I was concerned abput a ct sacn. When I said ionizing radiation it immediately caught her attention as if a lot of people were talking about the R word. Many people are more aware then we think. As for the colitis ibd issues. http://www.m.webmd.com/ulcerative-colitis/features/ulcerative-colitis-symptoms-treatment?page=2
      They can and do lead to cancer. I think these bowel problems are from a lifetime pollutants in the diet especially radionucleides. Since 2012 radionucleides spiking. Th exposure leads to acute inflammation the chronic then cancers. This inflammation causes chronic production of tumor necrotic factor. The bowel is also prone to mycobacterial in fections ie tuburculosis under circumstances of this kind of inflammation.

      One point I would like to make is that the studies some talk about where biological tissue seems to have a growth spurt after exposure to radiation is probably part of an inflammatory process. physics people who do not have much of a biology background make a lot of large jumps in logic with some of their statements and proclamations.

      Here is a blog about a fukushima from a man who sees what is happening in the streets.

      https://en.wordpress.com/tag/fukushima/

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